When Castelnaudary City Hall Got in My Face: What Government Power Feels Like Up Close
- Leslie Juvin-Acker
- Aug 23
- 13 min read
After everything I had already experienced in Castelnaudary, I never imagined the same feeling of intimidation would come from someone inside City Hall.
There is something very different about disagreeing with another human being and dealing with someone who can make you believe he has power that you don't.
When a stranger doesn't like you, you can walk away.
When a customer is rude, you can close the door.
When some random man tries to intimidate you, you can tell yourself:
Who is this guy, anyway?
But what happens when the man standing inches from your face turns out to represent
the government?
That is what happened to me during the Fête du Cassoulet in Castelnaudary.
And perhaps the strangest part is this:
I didn't even know who he was.
He didn't introduce himself.
He didn't tell me his name.
He didn't identify his position.
He didn't begin with, Hello, I'm so-and-so from Castelnaudary City Hall and I'd like to
speak with you about…
Nothing.
From my perspective, he was simply a man who appeared in my space, came within
approximately one foot of my face and told me:
“Come outside and talk to me.”
His expression felt menacing to me.
And my body reacted before my legal education did.
My stomach tightened.
My mind started racing.
Who is this man?
Why is he in my face?
Why is he ordering me outside?
What does he want?
Only later did I understand that I had been dealing with the Director of General Affairs at
Castelnaudary City Hall.
That detail changed the meaning of the encounter for me.
Because suddenly I understood why the interaction had felt so asymmetrical.
Not because this man possessed some magical power bestowed upon him from on high.
He didn't.
Whatever public authority accompanies a government position ultimately exists because
the people have delegated authority to public institutions.
Public servants aren't kings.
They're not lords.
They're not our masters.
Their authority exists for one fundamental purpose:
to serve the public.
Yet standing there that day, I felt something completely different.
Castelnaudary City Hall: We Had Already Asked What We Were
Allowed to Do
What made the confrontation even more upsetting was that we had already tried to do
everything correctly.
Before opening our little pop-up during the Fête du Cassoulet, we contacted city officials.
We asked if it was OK.
We asked what we were supposed to do.
We were given advice.
And we followed it.
We weren't sneaking around.
We weren't deliberately breaking rules.
We weren't staging a protest.
We were trying to make an honest living from inventory we already owned while
welcoming visitors during one of Castelnaudary's largest celebrations.
We were selling books, jewelry, stationery and little treasures.
We were giving away motivational cards and stickers.
We were talking to people about love, hope and self-worth.
That's it.
Then this man appeared.
He didn't identify himself.
He got close to my face.
He told me to come outside.
And then he told us we didn't have the right to do what we were doing.
I remember thinking:
How can this possibly be happening?
We had already called.
We had already asked.
We had already followed the instructions we were given.
Castelnaudary City Hall: Then My Husband Told Him Why We
Had Closed
My husband explained something else.
He told him why we had closed the original Le Jardin d'Amour boutique.
We had reached a point where, after experiencing repeated behavior from various people
that I found intimidating and menacing, we simply didn't feel supported enough to
continue.
And as Franck explained what had happened, something seemed to change in this man's
demeanor.
It appeared to me that he suddenly realized who I was and perhaps remembered the
story Voix du Midi had already published about my experience.
And that realization hit me:
This was everything Voix du Midi had reported on.
Except this time, from my perspective, the feeling wasn't being created by some random
man hanging around my shop.
This time, the man confronting me worked for the government.
That was an extraordinary moment for me.
Because I had already publicly spoken about what it feels like to have men appear around
your business, behave in ways you find menacing, make you uncomfortable in your own
space and leave you wondering whether anyone with authority given to them by a legal duty is going to protect you.
Dozens of people came to see me after that story.
People told me what they had experienced.
People told me their own stories.
People said they understood.
People told me they felt for me.
The headline of that Voix du Midi article said it beautifully:
“Personne ne devrait vivre ça.”
Nobody should have to live through this.
And standing there during the Fête du Cassoulet, I had this surreal feeling:
We're doing this again.
Only this time, it seemed to be coming from inside the very institution I would have
expected to make citizens feel safe.
Castelnaudary City Hall: Suddenly, His Attitude Changed
Then the conversation shifted.
The hard line softened.
Suddenly, instead of simply telling us we couldn't do what we were doing, he began
explaining how we could continue.
Essentially:
If you do this, then you can do that.
Okay.
Fine.
We complied.
Again.
We adjusted.
Again.
We followed the instructions.
Again.
And we remained open.
I thought:
Perhaps this was simply a misunderstanding.
Maybe we had finally worked it out.
Maybe everyone could move on.
Apparently, the story wasn't finished.
Castelnaudary City Hall: Two Days Later, “Let Me Help You”
Two days later, the same man returned.
And this time?
Completely different energy.
He stood there with his hands together, almost as though he were begging us.
And he said:
“Let me help you.”
I remember it vividly because the gesture seemed so sincere.
Let me help you.
After everything that had happened, I thought perhaps this was the resolution.
Maybe he understood.
Maybe he wanted to repair the relationship.
Maybe somebody in government actually wanted to help two people trying to make an
honest living.
So I believed what was happening in front of me.
He left.
And then—
not even fifteen minutes later—the police arrived to shut us down.
Castelnaudary City Hall: Fifteen Minutes From “Let Me Help You”
to Police at the Door
Try to imagine the emotional whiplash.
A government official has just stood in front of you with his hands together saying:
“Let me help you.”
Then he disappears.
And within minutes, uniformed police officers arrive.
French police officers are armed.
Of course, we shut down.
I'm not going to turn a disagreement over a pop-up shop into a confrontation with
armed police officers.
And again:
My anger was not directed at the police.
They had been sent somewhere to perform their job.
I don't know what conversations happened after that city official walked away from us.
I wasn't there.
And I'm not going to pretend I know something I don't.
But I know exactly what I experienced.
A man appeared without identifying himself.
He got within approximately a foot of my face.
He ordered me outside.
He told us we couldn't operate.
Then his attitude changed.
We were told how we could operate.
Two days later, he returned and offered to help us.
Then, within approximately fifteen minutes, police officers appeared and shut us down.
Imagine the police officers' faces when we explained what we were told only minutes before.
I felt played.
I felt manipulated.
I felt intimidated.
And most disturbingly, I felt as though I was being encouraged to believe that this man
possessed some kind of power that I didn't.
Castelnaudary City Hall: But His Power Doesn't Come From
Some God on High
And this is where I had to remind myself of something important.
He does not have some mystical power that I don't have.
A title isn't divine authority.
A government office doesn't transform someone into a superior class of human being.
Whatever legitimate authority a public official exercises comes from institutions created
by the people.
We give government authority because societies need roads.
Schools.
Police.
Public services.
Rules.
Administration.
Safety.
Order.
We delegate certain powers so civilization can function.
We do not surrender our dignity in the process.
Government officials don't sit above the people.
They work for the people.
That distinction matters enormously.
Because sometimes authority works partly through psychology.
The building.
The title.
The uniform.
The official language.
The summons.
The implication that you had better do what you're told.
All of those things can make an ordinary person feel very small.
They can make you believe:
He has power that I don't.
But your dignity isn't delegated.
Your intelligence isn't delegated.
Your voice isn't delegated.
Your right to ask a question isn't delegated.
Those belong to you.
Castelnaudary City Hall: It Felt Like Everything I Had Already
Been Through
That may be why this experience affected me so deeply.
I had already lived through months of feeling as though strange men could simply appear
around my boutique and make me uncomfortable.
I had already asked myself:
Why is this happening?
Why do I feel threatened in a place I created?
Why am I the one thinking about leaving?
Why does the person behaving badly seem more comfortable than the woman simply
trying to run her business?
I had already spoken publicly about it.
Voix du Midi had already reported on it.
People had already come to me afterward and said:
I understand.
Something happened to me too.
I know exactly what you're talking about.
And now here I was again.
Same tightening in my stomach.
Same calculation.
Should I speak?
Should I stay quiet?
Will saying something make this worse?
Except this time, I later learned that the person standing in front of me wasn't simply
some random man.
He occupied a position inside City Hall.
That was the emotional punch.
Castelnaudary City Hall: When Government Starts Feeling Like a
Power Game
There is a particular kind of helplessness that comes from dealing with someone who
appears able to move the ground beneath your feet.
Yes.
No.
Maybe.
Do this.
Now that's wrong.
You can stay.
Let me help you.
Police.
How are you supposed to feel secure inside that?
How does an entrepreneur plan?
How does a citizen know what to believe?
How do ordinary people make an honest living when they feel as though the answer
could change depending on the person standing in front of them?
At its worst, this kind of behavior can feel almost mafioso.
I am not accusing anyone of being a member of a criminal organization.
I am describing the emotional experience.
Because when somebody smiles in front of you, reassures you, offers to help you and then
institutional force appears shortly afterward, the emotional effect can feel sinister.
It can feel like:
We're nice until we're not.
We decide.
Don't forget who's in charge.
And I don't believe citizens should be made to feel that way by the institutions created to
serve them.
Castelnaudary City Hall: This Isn't Left Versus Right
I don't care which political party somebody belongs to.
This isn't a partisan issue.
Human beings can misuse power under any flag.
Left-wing people can become authoritarian.
Right-wing people can become authoritarian.
Centrists can become authoritarian.
Religious people.
Secular people.
Rich people.
Poor people.
Men.
Women.
Put a human being into a position where others constantly defer to them and there is
always a danger that they begin confusing their role with their worth.
They start believing:
I am the authority.
Instead of:
I have temporarily been entrusted with authority to perform a public function.
Those are completely different mindsets.
One creates servants.
The other creates rulers.
Castelnaudary City Hall: Government Exists to Help People Live,
Work and Create
Most ordinary people aren't asking government for anything extraordinary.
They want to work.
Open their businesses.
Raise their families.
Pay their bills.
Sell something useful.
Create something beautiful.
Provide a service.
Make customers happy.
Earn an honest living.
Go home.
And do it again tomorrow.
That's the social contract I believe in.
Government establishes fair rules.
People follow them.
Public servants help people understand them.
And citizens can get on with the messy, beautiful business of living their lives.
Government shouldn't become another obstacle ordinary people have to emotionally
survive.
Castelnaudary City Hall: Small Businesses Are Human Beings
When someone says business, it's easy to imagine a corporation.
A logo.
Revenue.
Inventory.
A commercial entity.
But behind our little business were two human beings.
A husband.
A wife.
Children to raise.
Inventory we paid for.
Bills.
Ideas.
Dreams.
Years of work.
A woman who created a space because she wanted people to walk through the door and
feel a little happier when they left.
When you interfere with a small business, you're touching somebody's actual life.
That's why the manner in which government interacts with small-business owners
matters.
Dignity matters.
Consistency matters.
Kindness matters.
Castelnaudary City Hall: Women Know This Feeling
And women especially know the sensation I'm describing.
A man gets too close.
Maybe he never actually threatens you.
Maybe he never touches you.
Maybe nothing happens that sounds particularly dramatic when you recount it afterward.
But your body registers something.
Why is he standing so close?
Why is he speaking to me like that?
Why is he telling me to go somewhere with him?
Why do I suddenly feel like I need to manage his emotions?
Women know how quickly our minds begin calculating.
Be polite.
Don't provoke him.
Don't embarrass him.
Don't make it worse.
That is exactly why the detail that I didn't know who this man was matters so much.
I wasn't standing there thinking:
Ah yes, the Director of General Affairs has arrived.
I was thinking:
Who is this man in my face?
Castelnaudary City Hall: Spirituality Does Not Require You to
Become Passive
And I especially want the spiritual women who read my work to hear this.
Somewhere along the way, women were sold an incredibly convenient definition of
spirituality:
Be peaceful.
Don't judge.
Don't react.
Forgive.
Accept.
Release.
Send love.
Sometimes.
Absolutely.
And sometimes spirituality sounds like:
No.
Sometimes consciousness means recognizing that something feels wrong.
Sometimes intuition means paying attention when your body says:
I don't like this.
Sometimes self-love means refusing to become smaller simply to make someone else
comfortable.
You can have compassion for another person's humanity while maintaining your own
dignity.
That isn't being difficult.
That's being awake.
Why Leaving America Made My Castelnaudary City Hall
Experience Hit Harder
I left the United States after becoming deeply alarmed by what I personally perceived as
an increasingly authoritarian political climate.
That experience changed how I think about authority.
Not because every unpleasant interaction with government is authoritarianism.
Obviously not.
But because I learned that freedom isn't merely something written on an old piece of
paper.
Freedom is psychological, too.
Do people feel free to speak?
Do they feel free to disagree?
Do they feel free to ask why?
Do they trust government to treat them fairly?
Can they create businesses?
Can they make an honest living?
Can they interact with officials without feeling afraid?
Can they question someone in authority without immediately wondering what might
happen to them afterward?
Those things matter.
Castelnaudary City Hall: I Refuse to Become Small
And this is where my story ends.
Not with anger.
With a decision.
I refuse to become small.
You can shut down a pop-up.
Fine.
I'll sell online.
You can give me an experience I find intimidating.
Fine.
I'll write about what it felt like.
You can make me momentarily believe that someone else's title gives him power I don't
possess.
Fine.
I'll remind myself—and anyone willing to listen—that legitimate governmental authority
ultimately comes from the people it serves.
You can make my stomach drop.
You cannot own my voice.
That's mine.
Life After Castelnaudary City Hall: Le Jardin d'Amour Goes
Online
And now for happier news.
Our products are going online thanks to TheEndStudio.
Our remaining inventory will gradually be available soon, including
books, jewelry, candles, accessories, stationery and other beautiful treasures.
We're also creating gift boxes combining some of our favorite things.
One chapter ended.
Another begins.
And perhaps that's the spiritual lesson underneath this entire wild ride:
Someone else may change your circumstances.
They don't get to decide what you become because of them.
Five Affirmations Inspired by My Castelnaudary City Hall
Experience
My dignity belongs to me.
I refuse to become small.
My voice remains entirely mine.
I trust what I feel.
I stand firmly in myself.
A Castelnaudary City Hall Question for You
Think about a time when someone with more institutional, professional, financial or
social authority made you feel small.
Before your rational mind explained it away—
what did your body tell you?
And perhaps more importantly:
If the same thing happened today, would you trust yourself enough to listen?
One Final Question About Castelnaudary City Hall
And there is one final question I keep coming back to.
If this man genuinely wanted to help us, why didn’t he?
His office was only a few hundred feet away.
It was a weekday.
City Hall was open
If paperwork was missing, why not walk back to his office, get the form, bring it to us,
show us what needed to be completed and help us get it approved?
That would have been help.
That would have been public service.
That would have taken a confusing situation and turned it into a solution.
Instead, he chose a different path.
I cannot tell you why he made that choice. I cannot know what was in his mind.
But I can look at the choices themselves.
And choices matter.
Because decisions determine outcomes.
One decision could have helped two people comply, stay open, serve customers and earn
an honest living.
Another decision ended with police at the door.
That distinction is worth thinking about.
Power is not only revealed by what someone is allowed to do.
It is revealed by what they choose to do when they have the opportunity to help.
So perhaps the most important question isn't whether someone has authority.
It is:
What do they choose to do with it?
About the Author: Leslie Juvin-Acker, J.D.
Leslie Juvin-Acker, J.D. is an author, speaker, legal scholar, cultural storyteller and veteran executive life and career coach whose work examines the beliefs shaping our lives,
institutions, relationships and sense of possibility.
Drawing from law, psychology, history, spirituality, culture and years of advising people
through complicated personal and professional transitions, Leslie explores the places
where intellectual understanding meets lived human experience.
Her central question is deceptively simple:
What do you assume is true?
Her books and essays encourage readers to question inherited beliefs, recognize power
dynamics, trust their own intelligence and develop the courage to think for themselves.
Read Leslie Juvin-Acker's Books
If this story stirred something in you, continue the conversation through Leslie's books
exploring law, emotional intelligence, career, money, relationships, identity and personal
freedom.
Titles include Bad Laws, The Money Formula, Engineering Your Mood, It Pays To Be You,
Law School for Visual Learners, La Libération and more.
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Contact Leslie Juvin-Acker
Le Jardin d'Amour: www.lejardindamour.com
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